An Odd Seven for an Odd Seven

      Many of you know my true passion is writing biblical, theological truth, which is where my other blog, missionaryatrest.blogspot.com, comes into play.  I have put much more effort into that one, but I still have that side of me that loves a good laugh, and enjoys good-naturedly making fun of things!  

     Today's analysis will be of the most hilariously crazy movie I have ever seen in my life!  I am a Conservative, as well as a Complementarian.  I am not what most people would call a feminist, although I do believe women are capable, and should be independent thinkers.  That said, this movie is just about the most sexist, yet hilariously clueless movie I have ever seen!  Made in 1954, I don't believe such outlandish actions would have been condoned even back then!  Without further ado, let's look at Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.  

     The movie is a romance, full of catchy songs and impressive dance moves.  It features handsome men and pretty women falling for each other.  It was nominated for Best Picture, and won the award for Best Music, Scoring of a Motion Picture.  What's not to like, right?  

     The movie opens with Adam, a rugged mountain man, coming into town.  He is there to pick up supplies, and also find a wife.  A spouse is on most people's shopping lists when they go to the market, so it makes sense!  He believes he will find "the one" for him while he's in town that day.  He sings this obnoxious little ditty called Bless Your Beautiful Hide.  I tell you, if anyone ever blesses my hide...well, I guess my hide will be blessed.  But good grief!  For being on a mission to find a wife in town that day, he's pretty choosy.  In his sexist little song, he implies he wouldn't want a cross-eyed girl, and that he wants her to be able to cook, and have the right-sized eyes, and for her to be pretty and trim, but not too slim.  I mean, yeah, we all have preferences that we're attracted to, but he's kind of demanding about it, especially if he expects to meet and marry her in one day!  Beggars can't be choosers and all of that!  And he's singing this as he's eying women in town.  Creepy!  One woman he's eying in the song turns out to be a mannequin!  For all he cares about her heart and mind, maybe that would have done for him.  

     All the women he sees in town are already married (or not good enough for his specifications).  He eventually comes upon a pretty blonde named Milly, working at a tavern.  He tastes her food, and sees how hard she works, and is convinced she is the one!  He tells her how he has all this property, but the only thing missing is a woman, "So how about it?"  She looks confused and says, "How about what?" He makes a lame proposal, telling her that if they were back east, he would properly court her, but that's not the way it's done out here, and will she marry him today?  She has some requirements--she has to finish her chores first.  That girl knows her priorities!  The next scene shows the preacher really expressing some concern about this marriage.  He has apparently told Milly that a woman has no right to be single (a bad message!), and has been after her to marry.  She tells him that she has gone with other guys before, but a sinking feeling always came, and she could never marry any of them, but the sinking feeling didn't come when she said yes to Adam.  Reluctantly, the preacher marries them, and they're off to Adam's homestead.  

     Already...not realistic.  Sickening not realistic!  A handsome but transparently bumbling mountain man goes on his mission to get a wife, and succeeds!  His pompous proposal gets him the girl!  Kind of a slap in the face to everyone who really struggles with this!  My husband had some really difficult dating experiences before he met me (and I did too, but I'm thinking of it from the man's side).  Nothing is ever that easy!  

     Anyway, Adam takes Milly home, and she is so excited all the way.  The closer they get, the more uncomfortable Adam looks.  Upon arrival at his homestead, Milly discovers that Adam has 6 brothers, all living under the same roof.  They are all as handsome as Adam, but completely crude and unrefined.  Their home is filthy, and it turned out that Adam wanted Milly to cook and clean for them.  Oh, well, he did want her for one other thing, but I'm trying to be G-rated here...you get my drift.  She is furious, and says she will keep her vow to live with him, but she won't sleep with him (which she relents on very shortly thereafter!).  

     Milly begins working with her new brothers-in-law.  They all have biblical names, in alphabetical order (Adam being the oldest).  They learn some manners, and learn about courting.  They have an opportunity to wow some town girls when they go to a barn-raising.  This scene has some of the best dancing in the movie, and the girls are impressed with them...but the scene ends in a fight between the brothers and the young men from town, who are also trying to pursue the young ladies.  Even though the town men started it, the brothers are blamed.  The women are pretty fickle in this scene, equally content to dance with the brothers as with their town counterparts.  Sometimes, it seems like they're rooting for the brothers, but it's hard to say.  At the end, they seem to like the bothers better.  It's up to the rough men to grab their women, I guess (hint: another bad message!)  

     Winter starts to set in, and the brothers start feeling lonesome for the girls in town they have fallen in love with.  Adam, being an admirable big brother and mentor, encourages them to go into town and kidnap the girls and bring them back to the farm.  His own marital pursuits were so successful that he's apparently an expert now.  The brothers believe this is a great idea (Why didn't we think of that!?), and they go into town, kidnapping their girlfriends and bringing them home.  They keep them gagged until they reach the mountain pass, then they let the girls scream, thus causing an avalanche, and keeping the townsfolk away until spring thaw.  Aren't these guys winners?  Who wouldn't fall in love with men like that?!  Absolute gems!

     Milly is furious when she sees what the men did.  She allows the women to stay with her in the house, but makes the men--Adam included--stay in the barn.  Adam goes away to pout about it.  What he doesn't know is that Milly is pregnant with their first child.  

     Well, the rest of this movie is Stockholm Syndrome.  The women are stuck up at the homestead all winter, and eventually fall in love with the brothers who kidnapped them and never want to leave them.  Milly has her baby, a little girl named Hannah.  Adam returns home, realizing (as a father himself now) what he and his brothers put the families of the girls through this winter.  

     When the townsfolk are finally able to come rescue their kidnapped daughters (who would have been gone about three months or so), they hear baby Hannah crying, and unscientifically assume that one of the kidnapped girls got pregnant and had this baby.  The preacher asks whose baby it is, and the girls all smile and say, "Mine!" So all seven couples get married in a shotgun wedding, and all is well!  The messages in this story are:

1) If you're single, put a spouse as an item on your shopping list for your next trip to the store.

2) Make sure the girl you propose to can cook and clean for you.

3) Hold really high physical standards for the girl you'll marry, and you'll probably find her the first day you go out looking.

4) Women have no right to be single.

5) Let women finish their important pursuits (like chores) before they marry you.

6) If someone proposes to you and you don't get a sinking feeling, it means it's okay to proceed!

7) Women are too weak-willed to know which suitors to dance with.

8) Strong-arm women into coming with you, and then hold them hostage until they fall in love.

9) Good things come out of kidnapping.  

10) Babies can be conceived and born within three months.

11) It is possible for seven couples to conceive one child...apparently..

     So, if you're still reading this, what do you think of this movie?  It is disguised as a wholesome, old-fashioned story, but it is actually kind of creepy.  If this really happened, what would these couples teach their own children growing up?  To respect themselves or others?  No.  They'd teach their children that men should dominate women until they give in, and that women should just give their love to such men.  I don't speak as a feminist, but as a Christian woman who respects myself and other people, and want the same from them.  Strong men are good, male leadership is good, but domineering and possessive men are not.  Even if a man is handsome, nice and talented, lack of respect erases all of that.  This movie is beloved by many, and I can see why.  It's fun, on a very basic level.  But it isn't a good message about love or relationships.  Human beings are not objects to be gotten for another's pleasure.  Watch for fun, but don't build ideals from it, or let your children build their ideals from it!  The last thing we need is a bunch of young men blessing everyone's hide!